Backround

It’s been a long time since I posted a personal story; I’ve been away for awhile and currently under investigation… anyways Daddy had to get out of Dodge, but I’m back now…

I have a lot of fans (crazy people) out there, sometimes they ask me for favors.

Bad Idea.

If I don’t know you, don’t ask me for shit, if fact even if I do know you, don’t ask me for shit.

Case In Point. There was this one guy, Herbie Lipshitz, who I didn’t
know but asked me if he could use me as a job
reference, so I told him:

HELL NO,

I didn’t know this guy, for all I knew he could have been a serial killer. Or just released from a mental hospital, or a convicted felon recently set free by that gay cock-sucker Obama.
Well a couple months go by, and I get a
call from this pickle company asking me
about Herbie.

I answered the phone and at first I thought they had the wrong number.

Who?

At first, I didn’t even know who they were
talking about, but when the Manager of that company
said, “He used you as a reference on his Job Application,”

Then I remembered who I thought they were talking about, and then I specifically
told that asshole not to use me as a reference, but he did it anyway.

Well since they decided to wake me from a sound sleep at 1:00 PM in the
afternoon, that fateful Tuesday, I decided to play
along.

And the ensuing conversation went something like
this:

Hello……My name is Mr. Jerkins, and I’m calling from the Bumpy Log Pickle Factory in regards to Herbie Lipchitz….

Me: What address did he give you on his application, that mother-fucker still owes me money, and I’ve been looking for him ever since.”

Jerking’s: Can you confirm that you were Herbie’s boss at (Classic) pickling.
Me: Yes, Yes, I can.
Jerking: What type of worker, was Herbie?
Me: Obsolete, at best.
Jerkin: Can you elaborate?
Me: No.

Jerkme: He said he worked for your company as a pickle vat operator, can you tell me his responsibilities and in what capacity.
Me: All right look, I never hired that dirty, son a bitch, that was done by some other guy and he used some fly-by-night temp agency.

Jerkme: I see, what were the ramifications of hiring Herbie?
Me: After the company hired Herbie the Impurity Levels went up dramatically.
Jerkoff: Can you tell me by what percentage.
Me: Well the State Law is 2%, but after Herbie joined our little family it went up to like 68% or 69% percent.
Jerking’s: What type of Impurities were found?

Me: Fish, Shit, Mud, Piss, Puss, Sperm, Alcohol, and some unknown substance never identified, seized by the government and we haven’t heard back from them since.

Jerkin-it: Over what time frame did this happen?
Me: That first day when he fell in the Vat.

Jacking: He fell in the vat???
Me: Yea, I guess he was drunk.
Jeggings: What did you do???
Me: I started laughing and filmed it with my camera phone then uploaded it to YouTube. You can see if you go to my channel.
Jenkins: What disciplinary steps were taken, if any?
Me: Well we have a 3 strike and you’re out policy, so after that incident, Herbie was like on 2 and nine-tenths, so he couldn’t even go on break and come back late from taking a shit, and it my job to time him.

Them: How did he account for his drinking on the job?
Me: He said it wasn’t the alcohol, he was high as kite because he had a prescription for medical marijuana…
Them: Were their further incidents?
Me: Just One.
Jacking: Yes, what was that.

Me: I was told to keep a close eye on him so I installed a hidden camera to keep him “monitored.”
Jerkins: What did you find:
Me: He was beating off into the vat of pickle juice, same as the last guy we fired, the week before.
Them: Excuse Me?
Me: Masturbating, he was masturbating in the pickle Vat.
That Guy: What did you do?

Me: I waited until he was done, and then I put pushed his ass out the second story window.
Jerking: Was their permanent damage?
Me: He might have broken a couple ribs but nothing to cry about, we could never get the stains out of that vat thou.

Jerking’s: Did he offer any explanation on why he was acting so “extremely unprofessional” during working hours?”

Me: He said he was just following the secret Illuminati message on the front of the pickle jar. We had a picture of a stork (symbolic of delivering babies) on the front of the label.  What the hell does a stork have to do with pickles anyway?

When he figured it out he started beating off in the vat.
Jerking’s: Thank You Mr. Rath, do you have any closing comments that might be helpful in our decision.

Me: This is not an isolated incident, everyone in all food industries has a least one scumbag that “contaminates” each food product for the company they work for.

It’s like a secret perverted organization and their all in on it, they get off by having billions of people ingesting their piss, sperm, and shit. Why do you think they allow the 2% to begin with?
Them: How do you know all this?
Me: Hey, mother-fucker I’m not applying for the job, so that’s my business.

Click

 

More Here:

Authors Note:

This novel is based on actual events that happened to me.

I never believed in haunted houses; until I owned one, I was a real-estate agent who bought a house the owner had died in. It was cheap, and run down, and needed repairs so I figured that I could do most of them myself, and then flip the house later for a quick profit.

One night I was working in the house alone, when the lights suddenly went out. I took my flashlight and went downstairs to the breaker box to reset the switches. Suddenly my flashlight dimmed like all the juice had been sucked out of the batteries, and then died completely. These were new batteries that I had just put in.

I went over to the basement windows and pulled back the curtains, anything to let some light in. The sky outside was completely black, we don’t have anymore stars because of all that shit they spray overhead, the “human pesticides” that are more popular known as chem-trails.

If you doubt me, go out tonight, or right now if its dark and look up, you won’t see one star. The sky out the window was completely black, midnight with no moon to speak of either. It was either cloudy, or a quarter moon phase, I don’t know,

But I could not see anything in the dark, Then I walked back and I fumbled with the switches in the dark, looking for the main breaker. My eyes had a hard time adjusting to the dark, but suddenly I saw or detected movement somewhere just in front of me in that ocean of darkness that was the basement, and it was completely unexpected.

There was no one else in the house, I came alone, and no one could have gotten in. You ever have anyone sneak up on you? Like a prank, It was like that.This was the most scared I had ever been in my life.

How scared?

I read about people who described an out of body experience when they died on the operating table or at the scene of an accident before they were brought back.

I was so scared that before I could fully comprehend what had happened, my body was body was scared stiff but my soul tried to jump out of my body to escape whatever it was downstairs with me.

I don’t know what it was, I ran screaming all the way up the steps, and out the door and I did not look back until I was at my car. When your that scared you don’t piss or shit yourself like they say you do in books.

My soul jumping out of my body, was like stepping on a tack, it was something you realize after the fact, not before, and your body tells your brain what happened after you central nervous system steps off the tack, and not the other way around.

After that I quit real-estate because I didn’t want to sell houses anymore. I only did that to get the money I needed to make the proto-types necessary for my inventions, which were very, very expensive. Now I was also a great story teller but first and foremost a inventor by trade, finally someone said, Rath, you have to write about this shit, and I said, “No one would believe me.”

And they said, if anyone could make them believe it would be you…

Hell that sounded like a bet, so I did, and after almost fifteen years this fifth book is completed, and the first five chapter are available as a preview. Why don’t you read for yourself and you be the judge???

-Rath